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Funeral Planning
It is not uncommon for people to take out a plan with funeral directors in order take various decisions prior to something that will happen to us all. The local funeral directors will all undertake such discussions with anyone. When Brenda Taylor knew how ill she was I had discussions with her, as did the funeral directors, about every aspect of the arrangements. These included details of wording to be placed on the order of service and even the kind of sandwiches and cakes to be served by the caterers. Having also had discussions with other people, I think it might be useful to provide a few guidelines concerning Church arrangements.
Anyone who lives in the parishes is entitled to a service in the Church. This is one of the realities of the Anglican Church being the established Church. It exists for everyone.
- If the service is to be followed by a burial at the Fryerning cemetery, the service can still be in Ingatestone.
- If the service includes a cremation, there are a number of options:
- the service can be in the Parish Church for the wider community, followed directly by a short, private, family service at the Crematorium in Chelmsford or
- this can be reversed, with the Crematorium service followed by a memorial service in the Parish Church. This has proved to be an alternative that people increasingly prefer.
- For the service in Church, usually we have three hymns. Often this includes, The Lord’s My Shepherd, but it does not have to do so. Decisions also need to be taken about music to be played by the organist both before and after the service. We do have the facility at Ingatestone to play a CD, but I would advise against this, as it adds to the sense of loss to hear a favourite song.
- During the service, a tribute is given to the person who has passed away. This is usually written by the family. Sometimes it is delivered by a family member, on other occasions the member of clergy officiating will be happy to read it. Family members often find it is a helpful part in the immediate bereavement process to sit and write this together. They find a list of key dates very helpful.
- Prayers are said for those who are bereaved, including closest family members by name.
- Family members have also sometimes prepared a board of photographs of the deceased, which can be placed inside the Church during the service.
- There is an area for the burial of ashes at Fryerning cemetery. This can be used for people who have a service just at the Crematorium.
- Burial plots and plots in the ashes area can be pre-purchased from the Parish Council. This needs to be discussed directly with them.
- Family members will need to know your preferred Funeral Director.
- It is not reasonable to request a particular member of the Anglican clergy to officiate at the funeral. Clergy move on and such a request could cause embarrassment in the future.
I hope that it does not appear morbid to provide this information. The reality is that close family members are always in grief over the death of a loved one, and sometimes they can be in deep shock. It is an act of kindness to have taken so many difficult decisions away from them.
I am very happy to arrange to come and talk this through with anyone. If you decide to help your family and friends now and take these decisions, you should keep a list of arrangements at home, or alternatively I could keep them at the Rectory. There is a form that can be printed off and filled in here.
Revd. Patrick Sherring.
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